Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Living Reflection of a Dream

I've resumed my studies after having two months off and quite honestly, though stress will always be present with the work load, I am glad to be back. Things are a little different now. It is strange coming back to the same campus, classrooms and classmates as a changed person. It almost feels like I've gone way back to my days at art school as a school leaver, completely on my own and unknowing of what will come next. For the past few years my future plans had been formed, shaped and set around another person. Before me now lies a blank slate. Like a teen aged Eleanor Rigby, I don't really know what will come next but I do know now that I have the power to make what I like of it.

I've been trying to keep busy lately. I'm a person that is attached so deeply to their thoughts and so naturally these can consume me from time to time. Keeping myself busy helps me to live in the immediate and focus on what is right in front of me. I've been cooking (those who know me well will understand that this is something trying for me!), giving myself more complex songs to learn on guitar, spending more time with my family and sorting through my possessions. It's been very refreshing and helps to instantly lift the weight off my shoulders when things become too stressful. I'm hoping that focusing on my studies will have the same effect.

What are some things that you do to keep busy?
I'd love to try something new. 

Tuesday, June 9, 2015


You may or may not have noticed that I have been completely absent from the blogging world for the past three months. You also may or may not have noticed a particular post that I made on my original tumblr, The Carnabetian Army, announcing my blogger's 'retirement'. The truth is: things in my life have been very hard lately. And really, it's okay to admit that. 

Life will always surprise us no matter how much we plan and prepare for the future. What is important is that we don't let ourselves become completely submerged in the depths of despair when change comes our way, which can sometimes be so easy. We must always try our best to keep our heads above the water for it is here that we can see clearer into the distance with open eyes. It is here that we can feel oxygen flowing through us with each breath - a recurrent reminder that we are alive and in tune with the world. It is here that we can take control of ourselves and begin swimming towards the shore. 
In my absence I have been submerged. From barely treading water I sank and have been frozen beneath the weight of death, loss and heartbreak. In the depths I have lost clear vision of myself and the world that surrounds me. The person that I used to be seems like a distant echo calling to me from an unknown place and travelling helplessly through the cold. But it is now that I realize that I have a choice here. Do I grasp my way through the water in attempt to seek out the owner of the distant voice? Or do I look to the light and resurface? I think that it is time for me to take a breath.

I aim to start blogging again as a way to explore myself and who I am. I am hoping that it will help me in my journey to the surface, and eventually the shores that I desire. Things may seem quite different here in comparison to what you may have seen in the past, but another thing that we all must also accept is that it is okay for us to change. Why cage ourselves within a previous form? Embrace your freedom to change. Embrace your freedom to become the person that you want to be. 

I'd like to thank all the people who have kept me in their thoughts for their continued support. Knowing that there are others experiencing the same hardships or sending their wishes across the seas is such a beautiful reminder that even though sometimes it may feel like it, we are not completely alone. I send my love and best wishes to you all. Take care of yourselves and keep swimming.